Ok. So one of my new year's resolutions (ehh, just an excuse to ingrain some habits in my life) is to write in here every day. I believe it will help me to improve upon my writing skills while allowing me to see life in a different light, by looking for things to blog about. So here are my thoughts for today!
When I was hired at the Honey Baked Ham five months ago, I once again rejoined the service industry. For those not aware, the HBH is actually a pretty ingenious business. They have four different types of diversified income:
1. Obviously... HAM. Selling hams and turkeys particularly during the holidays
2. Appealing to moms who need a night off. This means selling premium frozen sides and desserts. Again, a big income maker during the holidays
3. Catering and business deliveries. Making box lunches for businesses to serve at meetings. I hear their delivery driver is always on time and is one of the nicest guys around!
4. Finally, sandwiches. We follow a Subway-like in store lunch option which is actually very successful. Lunch times are often packed.
I really want to focus on that last area of business, the common fast (or faster) food business. Right away I learned just how rude people can be toward the people serving their food. In fact, the employees there let me know that Olivet people are (surprise surprise!) the most rude and mean people who come in. Unfortunately, over time I have seen that they are exactly right. Being an Olivet Alum and a member of that community for almost five years now, I know most of these people. Honestly, I wish I could back them up (and I've tried!) but it's not possible. For some reason, people I know to be decent and kind make a transformation into rude and unkind when ordering a sandwich. They will lean over the sandwich bar, reminding us over and over again that they didn't want onions on their sandwich. They'll ask us to leave the lid off of the soup because "your soups are always way too hot!" It's little comments like that that can really bring you down, especially dealing with people like that all day.
Now what is the reasoning for this transformation? My best guess is that people who have dealt with a boss all day telling them what to do will relish the opportunity to tell someone else what to do and will unleash kempt up anger at being a subordinate in their daily work. Basically, I believe all people have this desire to be lord over someone and that desire is intensified when someone is lord over them. Thus, when they finally have a chance to tell someone what to do, they will transfer that emotion onto the person serving them. It's just a common human reaction. However, does that make it okay? No, not at all!
Being around this all day every day has changed the way I treat others in the service industry. I am now fully conscious of my attitude when out and about and try my hardest to be patient and pleasant to people at a fast food restaurant, wal mart, the post office, and so on and so forth. I would encourage all of you (all one or two!) to do the same. A simple sense of decency when treating others can go so far in making someone's day. Don't give in to depraved reactions, but buck the trend and serve those who serve you!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Intuitive Leadership Chapter One
Intuitive Leadership Chapter One
"Rediscovering the Power of Story"
Keel brings up some really interesting points in this chapter. He begins by explaining how essential stories and narratives have been to his own life. "Stories shape and create identity" (32). They not only create individual identity, but they shape the identities of families, communities, and entire cultures. The Bible is absolutely FILLED with stories. Stories of murder, adultery, war, betrayal, but also stories of love, friendship, sacrifice, and some of "the craziest people you could ever imagine" (33). Basically, Keel says that stories aren't just a part of our faith, but they are a vital and essential part of our genetic code! Throughout the Bible, we begin to notice that particular words appear and reappear over and over again. One such word is the Hebrew zakar, which means "Remember! Do not forget!" Don't forget what? Don't forget these stories and above all, don't forget your identity as people of God that flows from these stories.
"In the world we inhabit today, we are scandalized by the story of particularity. We like a universal God, not a particular one." (36)
Keel says in our world today we are almost embarrassed by these stories. We set them aside for children and ignore them for any other age group. We are embarrassed (in our modern mindsets) by their particularity. Thus we strip them in search of universal truths that can be applied to anyone and everyone. We view the Bible as a handbook, a blueprint, an encyclopedia, a systematic theology textbook, but never as a collection of particular stories in which the confusing presence of a personal deity engages unpredictable people in astonishing and mundane ways over a long period of time.
The big problem Keel believes we have is that we don't know our story. In fact, we don't even think we have a story. And that lack of knowledge of our story IS the story of the modern western world! Several hundred years ago, we began to lose track of our story and begin focusing only on the future in an attempt to logically explain the question "why?" Enlightenment thinkers argued that the only impartial court of appeal is reason without tradition. Descartes is famous for his phrase "I think, therefore I am." That pretty much sums things up for this period. The rational, cognitive self is thought of as the starting point of reality and reality can only be accessed through thinking. Our story over the past hundreds of years is that we are independent, autonomous knowers objectively encountering the world in a rational way as we progress toward a bright future and away from a clouded and ignorant past. Keel claims that we, in a way, jettisoned story in favor of rational knowing and while those two do not have to be mutually exclusive, they seem to have become so.
Well, for better or for worse, the church in the west completely bought into these claims of modernity. "We mistook our contingent knowledge of God for God" (43). Our faith became domesticated and made in our own image. In the pursuit of things systematic, rational, objective, and universal we lost the particular, intuitive, imaginative, poetic, and creative. Here is the crucial part, though:
The big problem Keel believes we have is that we don't know our story. In fact, we don't even think we have a story. And that lack of knowledge of our story IS the story of the modern western world! Several hundred years ago, we began to lose track of our story and begin focusing only on the future in an attempt to logically explain the question "why?" Enlightenment thinkers argued that the only impartial court of appeal is reason without tradition. Descartes is famous for his phrase "I think, therefore I am." That pretty much sums things up for this period. The rational, cognitive self is thought of as the starting point of reality and reality can only be accessed through thinking. Our story over the past hundreds of years is that we are independent, autonomous knowers objectively encountering the world in a rational way as we progress toward a bright future and away from a clouded and ignorant past. Keel claims that we, in a way, jettisoned story in favor of rational knowing and while those two do not have to be mutually exclusive, they seem to have become so.
"When our confidence in God's revelation diminished, we replaced it with increasing confidence in our own ability to discover truth using our minds" (41).
Well, for better or for worse, the church in the west completely bought into these claims of modernity. "We mistook our contingent knowledge of God for God" (43). Our faith became domesticated and made in our own image. In the pursuit of things systematic, rational, objective, and universal we lost the particular, intuitive, imaginative, poetic, and creative. Here is the crucial part, though:
We no longer live in the world of modernity.
The world is changing, postmodernism is here, but it seems the church is in denial. We know something is going on around us but we don't know what it is, how we should feel about it, and what, if anything, we should do.
Here is my favorite part of this first chapter. Keel explains what kind of story he wants to tell in the book. it is a story of living in tension, not obsessively trying to resolve it. I think that is key. Just as I said in an earlier blog post here, maybe hope exists in tension. We are often so obsessed with resolving tension or conflict. But I find so much more hope, hope that what we are doing indeed DOES matter, in the hard times.
Thoughts on all of this?
Here is my favorite part of this first chapter. Keel explains what kind of story he wants to tell in the book. it is a story of living in tension, not obsessively trying to resolve it. I think that is key. Just as I said in an earlier blog post here, maybe hope exists in tension. We are often so obsessed with resolving tension or conflict. But I find so much more hope, hope that what we are doing indeed DOES matter, in the hard times.
Thoughts on all of this?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
BBC - Intuitive Leadership
I need to read more. I feel intellectually and spiritually stagnant. SO, I am beginning what I like to call the BBC.
Bixler Book Club
Tim Keel is the founding pastor of Jacob's Well, a church in Kansas City. I was very fortunate to attend Jacob's Well in 2007 and even briefly meet Tim. Tim is a leading voice in the emerging discussion on how to "do" church in these changing times, and this book is key to that discussion. This book is all about leading the church through embracing a paradigm of narrative, metaphor, and chaos. In the following weeks, I will be posting periodically on this book and my thoughts as I continue to read it. It would be so awesome to get a dialogue going as well. So if you are interested, get a copy of this book and let's read it together!
Bixler Book Club
Isn't that an awesome name? Hah!
The first book I will be encountering is called Intuitive Leadership by Tim Keel
The first book I will be encountering is called Intuitive Leadership by Tim Keel
Tim Keel is the founding pastor of Jacob's Well, a church in Kansas City. I was very fortunate to attend Jacob's Well in 2007 and even briefly meet Tim. Tim is a leading voice in the emerging discussion on how to "do" church in these changing times, and this book is key to that discussion. This book is all about leading the church through embracing a paradigm of narrative, metaphor, and chaos. In the following weeks, I will be posting periodically on this book and my thoughts as I continue to read it. It would be so awesome to get a dialogue going as well. So if you are interested, get a copy of this book and let's read it together!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"Questions"
in this my act of devotion and contrition
i beg to you, O LORD, for understanding.
i want to know why.
why is love hard?
why do your people hurt each other?
why does ignorance rule our land?
why do you often feel so far?
why do i feel such despair?
why do i feel alone?
and yet...
and yet i declare that YOU are bigger than i
and some things are not fit for my knowing.
(at least at this moment)
so tonight as i lay my head upon my pillow,
i shall sleep well knowing
you have the answers
you give hope
you love those i struggle loving
you love me even when i am broken
you know my questions
and you will supply answers one day.
and until that day?
You Are.
i beg to you, O LORD, for understanding.
i want to know why.
why is love hard?
why do your people hurt each other?
why does ignorance rule our land?
why do you often feel so far?
why do i feel such despair?
why do i feel alone?
and yet...
and yet i declare that YOU are bigger than i
and some things are not fit for my knowing.
(at least at this moment)
so tonight as i lay my head upon my pillow,
i shall sleep well knowing
you have the answers
you give hope
you love those i struggle loving
you love me even when i am broken
you know my questions
and you will supply answers one day.
and until that day?
You Are.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Insecure Christianity
As an active member of the Facebook community, I often notice different "groups" that people join. Some of the groups I am in include "I Rick Roll People All Day Like Its My Job" (a true statement), "I Made My Television Debut on 'Happy's Place'" (another true statement), and "I Wanna See Jake Chastain In A Kilt" (I'll let you decide if that is true or not...).
One phenomenon I have noticed recently, though, is the huge influx of groups desiring to gather 1,000,000 Christians on Facebook, or the "One Body of Christ Experiment" which wants to have all Christians on Facebook join the same group.
Now stop and think about this for a second.
As I continue in my journey of faith and maturity I am increasingly made aware of the overall insecurity of my faith, and it distresses me to no end. What does 1,000,000 Christians on Facebook prove? For that matter, what is the point of an "experiment" that tries to gather all Christians? Do you think someone would see 1,000,000 Christians in a Facebook group and then realize that Jesus is indeed the Way??? NO! All this does is satisfy some carnal desire of man to prove himself better than someone else. All this does is shout to the world that we are an incredibly insecure people, trying to make up for something by advocating empty statements. This insecurity reinforces the common Christian stereotype of a hypocritical tribe of loud Pharisees, pointing out the fault of everyone but themselves. It is like a light that gathers the provocative and argumentative moths who fight each other in an attempt to prove who is "right." I would even say that these qroups employ bullying tactics to bolster their numbers, implying you must join or else you are denying your faith.
Now, this blog entry is not meant to cast judgment upon certain Facebook groups or those who join them. This is only an example of insecure Christianity.
Is this really what Jesus died for? A people who wander aimlessly in the desert and are easily distracted by societal constructs? Really? Don't you think we can do better than this? Shouldn't we concentrate more on doing what God wills of us and less on trying to "prove" we're right or better than everyone else? Shouldn't our lives be our witness?
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"
One phenomenon I have noticed recently, though, is the huge influx of groups desiring to gather 1,000,000 Christians on Facebook, or the "One Body of Christ Experiment" which wants to have all Christians on Facebook join the same group.
Now stop and think about this for a second.
As I continue in my journey of faith and maturity I am increasingly made aware of the overall insecurity of my faith, and it distresses me to no end. What does 1,000,000 Christians on Facebook prove? For that matter, what is the point of an "experiment" that tries to gather all Christians? Do you think someone would see 1,000,000 Christians in a Facebook group and then realize that Jesus is indeed the Way??? NO! All this does is satisfy some carnal desire of man to prove himself better than someone else. All this does is shout to the world that we are an incredibly insecure people, trying to make up for something by advocating empty statements. This insecurity reinforces the common Christian stereotype of a hypocritical tribe of loud Pharisees, pointing out the fault of everyone but themselves. It is like a light that gathers the provocative and argumentative moths who fight each other in an attempt to prove who is "right." I would even say that these qroups employ bullying tactics to bolster their numbers, implying you must join or else you are denying your faith.
Now, this blog entry is not meant to cast judgment upon certain Facebook groups or those who join them. This is only an example of insecure Christianity.
Is this really what Jesus died for? A people who wander aimlessly in the desert and are easily distracted by societal constructs? Really? Don't you think we can do better than this? Shouldn't we concentrate more on doing what God wills of us and less on trying to "prove" we're right or better than everyone else? Shouldn't our lives be our witness?
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"
Friday, June 13, 2008
Showbread's anorexianervosa
Friends, I have an incredible experience to share with you. The "raw rock" band Showbread has released two concept albums that put the story of redemption into music and words better than anything I can recall. Anorexia and Nervosa are albums that require their stories to be experienced while listening. Each album has a story in its liner notes with time cues that explain when each part of the story is to be read with the music. Anorexia is the story of Anorexia, a girl with one mission: to build a tower as high as possible and to reach the sky. "'When I am in the sky', she thought, 'I will finally be happy.'" Thus starts her tower-building journey. Along the way she is encountered by a vulture, a pig, some flies, a goat, and a lamb. The music seamlessly accompanies the story and it becomes an all-encompassing experience of multiple senses. Nervosa is the story of Anorexia's sister Nervosa who desires to plunge into the depths of the earth. "'When I venture into the depths,' she thought, 'I will finally be happy.'" Along the way, she is encountered by the same creatures but with often-different results than her sister. The feeling of being entrenched in complete depravity while still hearing that "knocking" voice of the Lamb of God is amazing. The crux of the entire project is a song written by Reese Roper of Five Iron Frenzy fame. This is something you don't want to miss... and you have to listen to the album while reading the story or else you just won't get it. It takes a time commitment (around 1 1/2 hours) for sure, but trust me: it's worth it. I will leave you today with the lyrics of the track I described previously: the Lamb trying to break through the horrible voices of depravity that accompany Nervosa's trip into the Earth:
Before there was anything, I loved you endlessly.
There are no words to make way for this truth, this love for you inside of me.
And if I paint a sky with bronze or blanket you with stars,
It’s not enough to prove to you, this love inside my heart.
What if I knit you together inside your mother, with artistry...
Crafted in my very image because I need you here with me
What if I gave everything just to have you close to me?
What if my love was the only truth?
Would you believe it could set you free?
There isn’t anything that you could ever do,
Not death or life, nor depth or height can ever take my love from you.
There is no greater love than this: that a man should lay his life down for his friends.
And though I have, I’d do it all again.
Regenerative are my bones and my skin, my nerves are dismayed by intrusion.
Yet if you are gone, for short or for long it all aches with no sought restituion.
I would do anything for you, it’s obvious and in plain view,
Like the life that I’ve laid before you: everything that I’ve done is for you.
So look for me with open eyes, knock and I will open the door.
I have loved you before there was time and I will love you for forever more.
Before there was anything, I loved you endlessly.
There are no words to make way for this truth, this love for you inside of me.
And if I paint a sky with bronze or blanket you with stars,
It’s not enough to prove to you, this love inside my heart.
What if I knit you together inside your mother, with artistry...
Crafted in my very image because I need you here with me
What if I gave everything just to have you close to me?
What if my love was the only truth?
Would you believe it could set you free?
There isn’t anything that you could ever do,
Not death or life, nor depth or height can ever take my love from you.
There is no greater love than this: that a man should lay his life down for his friends.
And though I have, I’d do it all again.
Regenerative are my bones and my skin, my nerves are dismayed by intrusion.
Yet if you are gone, for short or for long it all aches with no sought restituion.
I would do anything for you, it’s obvious and in plain view,
Like the life that I’ve laid before you: everything that I’ve done is for you.
So look for me with open eyes, knock and I will open the door.
I have loved you before there was time and I will love you for forever more.
Friday, May 30, 2008
From Eugene Peterson's "A Long Obedience..."
Hoping does not mean doing nothing. It is not fatalistic resignation. It means going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the meaning and the conclusions. It is not compelled to work away at keeping up appearances with a bogus spirituality. It is the opposite of desperate and panicky manipulation, of scurrying and worrying.
And hoping is not dreaming. It is not spinning an illusion or fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what he said he will do. It is imagination put in the harness of faith. It is a willingness to let God do it his way and in his time. It is the opposite of making plans that we demand God put into effect, telling his both how and when to do it. That is not hoping in God but bullying God.
Hoping does not mean doing nothing. It is not fatalistic resignation. It means going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the meaning and the conclusions. It is not compelled to work away at keeping up appearances with a bogus spirituality. It is the opposite of desperate and panicky manipulation, of scurrying and worrying.
And hoping is not dreaming. It is not spinning an illusion or fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what he said he will do. It is imagination put in the harness of faith. It is a willingness to let God do it his way and in his time. It is the opposite of making plans that we demand God put into effect, telling his both how and when to do it. That is not hoping in God but bullying God.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
"I Want To Be Things"
i'm finishing up some final stuff for school and listening to some good music. a lyric just struck me from the song "give up the war" by starflyer 59. the song talks about how the singer (jason martin) has this desire to "be things" and yet always seems to get discouraged by life's circumstances.
"it's simply that i am still afraid, i want to give up the war."
martin talks about some of the biblical characters who never gave up the war, specifically paul. he says he wants to be like paul, he was simply not afraid and never gave up the war. the resolution of the song, though, is nothing extraordinary or mind-blowing... martin just continues to sing "i want to be things, always living, pressing on"
i think there's value in that. our culture thrives on quick fixes and incredible resolutions that tie everything up and make everyone happy at the end of the show or movie. further, it seems that we pursue that and desire that in our everyday lives. i mean, heck, look at the self-help industry! what if that wasn't the right way to live, though? in fact, what if that was the exact opposite of what our response to life should be?
i think hope exists in that place where one has nothing left to do but "press on." otherwise, why would someone choose to continue? i find no hope in a quick fix, nor in a tidy resolution. what if hope existed in difficult situations??? and not that hope that says "oh well, it will get better i promise." no... it's a hope that says "yeah this sucks, but God never said it would be any other way." what if that hope could fuel you in the hard times? it's a hope that causes you to press on. why? because its what we're supposed to do.
"i want to be things, always living, pressing on"
"it's simply that i am still afraid, i want to give up the war."
martin talks about some of the biblical characters who never gave up the war, specifically paul. he says he wants to be like paul, he was simply not afraid and never gave up the war. the resolution of the song, though, is nothing extraordinary or mind-blowing... martin just continues to sing "i want to be things, always living, pressing on"
i think there's value in that. our culture thrives on quick fixes and incredible resolutions that tie everything up and make everyone happy at the end of the show or movie. further, it seems that we pursue that and desire that in our everyday lives. i mean, heck, look at the self-help industry! what if that wasn't the right way to live, though? in fact, what if that was the exact opposite of what our response to life should be?
i think hope exists in that place where one has nothing left to do but "press on." otherwise, why would someone choose to continue? i find no hope in a quick fix, nor in a tidy resolution. what if hope existed in difficult situations??? and not that hope that says "oh well, it will get better i promise." no... it's a hope that says "yeah this sucks, but God never said it would be any other way." what if that hope could fuel you in the hard times? it's a hope that causes you to press on. why? because its what we're supposed to do.
"i want to be things, always living, pressing on"
Sunday, April 20, 2008
i'm tired
i'm tired of fighting.
why must we always fight? i'm following this whole "expelled" movie thing and it's making me weary. why do we have to fight against culture and against science? why can't we encounter culture without pretense? why must there be an agenda for everything?
i'm tired of setting up boundaries. i'm tired of drawing battle lines. i'm tired of christianity always seeing things with a battle mindset. why are we so insecure? it's like we feel the need to prove our faith right and better than anything else. the thing is, we aren't supposed to! what we're supposed to do is encounter the world and show them the right way to live, and i'll tell you right now... throwing grenades is NOT the right way to live. it's about living life together. its about settling down for a process and not concentrating on getting evangelistic "notches on the belt." the ONLY way to convince people that our way is the right way to live is to live it with them! it's not about setting your friends down, drawing them a nice tidy diagram and leading them in the sinner's prayer. it's about being an example of Christ in ALL things to ALL people. when Jesus ascended, his commission to the disciples was to be his witnesses.
what is a witness? a witness is a testimony. it's a living example of some truth. witnessing isn't canvassing. witnessing isn't starting conversations with people having some sort of ulterior agenda or motive. our example is the witness, not our words.
does this all make sense? we're so damned misguided. and the sad thing is, in the average church, more people would be upset that i said the word "damned" than be upset about the body of Christ not achieving the prerogatives set for us by our Lord. it's not a battle, folks. it's a journey.
let's do this the right way.
why must we always fight? i'm following this whole "expelled" movie thing and it's making me weary. why do we have to fight against culture and against science? why can't we encounter culture without pretense? why must there be an agenda for everything?
i'm tired of setting up boundaries. i'm tired of drawing battle lines. i'm tired of christianity always seeing things with a battle mindset. why are we so insecure? it's like we feel the need to prove our faith right and better than anything else. the thing is, we aren't supposed to! what we're supposed to do is encounter the world and show them the right way to live, and i'll tell you right now... throwing grenades is NOT the right way to live. it's about living life together. its about settling down for a process and not concentrating on getting evangelistic "notches on the belt." the ONLY way to convince people that our way is the right way to live is to live it with them! it's not about setting your friends down, drawing them a nice tidy diagram and leading them in the sinner's prayer. it's about being an example of Christ in ALL things to ALL people. when Jesus ascended, his commission to the disciples was to be his witnesses.
what is a witness? a witness is a testimony. it's a living example of some truth. witnessing isn't canvassing. witnessing isn't starting conversations with people having some sort of ulterior agenda or motive. our example is the witness, not our words.
does this all make sense? we're so damned misguided. and the sad thing is, in the average church, more people would be upset that i said the word "damned" than be upset about the body of Christ not achieving the prerogatives set for us by our Lord. it's not a battle, folks. it's a journey.
let's do this the right way.
Monday, February 18, 2008
"tired heart"
i haven't felt good in months.
the well has run dry all at once.
the habits come easily, but they're so hard to break.
i really need to hear... to hear you say:
"peace be still, I am with you. rest in me for one more night.
peace be still, I am with you. replace your tired heart with mine."
so i'll sing songs of life, for all these broken hearts just like mine.
and i'll lay down all this pride so i can hear you whisper that it's alright.
"peace be still, I am with you. rest in me for one more night.
peace be still, I am with you. replace this tired heart with mine."
i'm so sorry, i haven't come home.
but i'm coming home soon...
the well has run dry all at once.
the habits come easily, but they're so hard to break.
i really need to hear... to hear you say:
"peace be still, I am with you. rest in me for one more night.
peace be still, I am with you. replace your tired heart with mine."
so i'll sing songs of life, for all these broken hearts just like mine.
and i'll lay down all this pride so i can hear you whisper that it's alright.
"peace be still, I am with you. rest in me for one more night.
peace be still, I am with you. replace this tired heart with mine."
i'm so sorry, i haven't come home.
but i'm coming home soon...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
i'm going through some old blog posts from a previous site and found this little gem i wrote around 2 years ago. it hits me hard, and it is just as true today as it was then:
i find myself often dreaming of your smile... i already know how it makes me feel inside, i just can't wait to see what form it will take.
i'm in love with your infectious personality. you bring light and life into every room you enter... it makes me beam with pride.
i love that you love me even when i am not at my best. i love that i can tell you anything without fear of rebuke or disapproval. believe me, beautiful, i want to be my best for you, but thank you for accepting me even when i am not.
your laugh brightens my life. whenever i hear it, i am assured that life isn't nearly as bad as it can often seem.
i have never questioned your love. thank you for never giving me a reason to.
i see the passion in your eyes... i know that you love what you do and that you mean what you say. i want the best for you, my love, and i am happy when i know you are doing what you love.
i love that we are connected... that i often know what you're thinking before you even say it. i love that when i screw up, you take me back unconditionally... because you know me so well that you accept my apology immediately because you know how bad i feel. thank you for knowing me.
you are my best friend. there is no one else i would rather spend my time with than you.
i don't feel condemned around you... i can be myself. and for some reason, you like it.
i need someone who cares as much for students as i do, and your passsion is just that. knowing that you are counseling so many young girls who need someone to look up to comforts my heart. they will model the best, because that is what you are.
music captures my heart, i love that you recognize how amazing music can be... that's one of many reasons why my heart was captured by you.
i love who i am when i am with you... you bring out the best in me. that is reason enough to stay with you forever.
you've never treated me any less than i deserve, i intend to return that.
you are mine and i am yours. thank you for that peace.
i love you for who you are. now i only need to find you.
i had a lonely night tonight... and it sucked. but there is hope, even when it's not explicitly visible. i pray tonight that God can speak to the heart of my love and tell her i'm coming. i'll be with you soon...
i find myself often dreaming of your smile... i already know how it makes me feel inside, i just can't wait to see what form it will take.
i'm in love with your infectious personality. you bring light and life into every room you enter... it makes me beam with pride.
i love that you love me even when i am not at my best. i love that i can tell you anything without fear of rebuke or disapproval. believe me, beautiful, i want to be my best for you, but thank you for accepting me even when i am not.
your laugh brightens my life. whenever i hear it, i am assured that life isn't nearly as bad as it can often seem.
i have never questioned your love. thank you for never giving me a reason to.
i see the passion in your eyes... i know that you love what you do and that you mean what you say. i want the best for you, my love, and i am happy when i know you are doing what you love.
i love that we are connected... that i often know what you're thinking before you even say it. i love that when i screw up, you take me back unconditionally... because you know me so well that you accept my apology immediately because you know how bad i feel. thank you for knowing me.
you are my best friend. there is no one else i would rather spend my time with than you.
i don't feel condemned around you... i can be myself. and for some reason, you like it.
i need someone who cares as much for students as i do, and your passsion is just that. knowing that you are counseling so many young girls who need someone to look up to comforts my heart. they will model the best, because that is what you are.
music captures my heart, i love that you recognize how amazing music can be... that's one of many reasons why my heart was captured by you.
i love who i am when i am with you... you bring out the best in me. that is reason enough to stay with you forever.
you've never treated me any less than i deserve, i intend to return that.
you are mine and i am yours. thank you for that peace.
i love you for who you are. now i only need to find you.
i had a lonely night tonight... and it sucked. but there is hope, even when it's not explicitly visible. i pray tonight that God can speak to the heart of my love and tell her i'm coming. i'll be with you soon...
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
i am truly blessed.
words come slowly.
let me just say that God has been teaching me a lot lately. he has shown me what it means to love, truly love, one another. he has also burdened me, but i recognize that not only is that burden a good thing, it is absolutely crucial. i must be honest, it sucks sometimes. but i have to remind myself that the 'suckiness' of burden is a result of my carnal nature. war breaks out inside of me often. i war against the emotions that cry out to me to say things and do things that are simply not right. i am learning to see things for what they are. through maturity, i am learning to distinguish sinful desire from the Spirit that lives inside of me. it really is a wondrous thing, when you learn about yourself. it's so hard to articulate that which i barely (or in some cases do not yet) know. however, that is the beauty of the journey.
anyone who knows me a smidgen below the surface knows that much of my spiritual development has been led by the music and lyrics of five iron frenzy (and more specifically, reese roper). lately i have been drawn more and more to the song "eulogy" and i am beginning to see the song in a different light. allow me to give the lyrics:
"today, all the sources would agree that the day of their death was a cold, dark day. scuttled ships have blocked the sea and the pallid light of morning melts into an ashy gray. goodbye to everything, sayanora everyone, they are tired... write the eulogy.
no one understood a word they said, hailed them all as kings up upon a pedestal. their names scribbled on a parchment piece would sink like any ship, listing fast from ruptured hull. goodbye to everything, sayanora everyone, they are tired... write the eulogy. and i saw them as they passed, it was like a millstone cast far into the deep, blue sea.
the murky sea is black, dismal, and so deep. millstones rocket through the dark into its icy keep. a resting place for broken ships, a cemetery for the humble... no one's here to make you stumble.
if Jesus Christ is truth, then i am mostly lies. if Jesus Christ is love, then i have failed to try. if Jesus Christ is life, then please just let me die. let. this. die.
and goodbye to everything, sayanora everyone, they are tired... write the eulogy. and i saw them as they passed, it was like a millstone cast far into the deep, blue sea."
obviously there are references here to Luke 17, where Jesus says "It would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around your neck than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble." i used to think this was a song about the fans of five iron frenzy who lauded the band and loved them, yet ignored the message behind their songs. this interpretation is mostly from the verse about nobody understanding a word "they" said. however, i think if one looks deeper there are some definite connotations to sin and sinful nature. there comes a step in the process of spiritual maturity in which an active choice is made to die to sin. Romans 6 is all about dying to sin and being made alive to God in Christ Jesus. there comes a point where you have to let the Spirit take over. this is definitely some of what God is trying to communicate to me.
"If Jesus Christ is life, then please just let me die. Let. This. Die."
thoughts?
words come slowly.
let me just say that God has been teaching me a lot lately. he has shown me what it means to love, truly love, one another. he has also burdened me, but i recognize that not only is that burden a good thing, it is absolutely crucial. i must be honest, it sucks sometimes. but i have to remind myself that the 'suckiness' of burden is a result of my carnal nature. war breaks out inside of me often. i war against the emotions that cry out to me to say things and do things that are simply not right. i am learning to see things for what they are. through maturity, i am learning to distinguish sinful desire from the Spirit that lives inside of me. it really is a wondrous thing, when you learn about yourself. it's so hard to articulate that which i barely (or in some cases do not yet) know. however, that is the beauty of the journey.
anyone who knows me a smidgen below the surface knows that much of my spiritual development has been led by the music and lyrics of five iron frenzy (and more specifically, reese roper). lately i have been drawn more and more to the song "eulogy" and i am beginning to see the song in a different light. allow me to give the lyrics:
"today, all the sources would agree that the day of their death was a cold, dark day. scuttled ships have blocked the sea and the pallid light of morning melts into an ashy gray. goodbye to everything, sayanora everyone, they are tired... write the eulogy.
no one understood a word they said, hailed them all as kings up upon a pedestal. their names scribbled on a parchment piece would sink like any ship, listing fast from ruptured hull. goodbye to everything, sayanora everyone, they are tired... write the eulogy. and i saw them as they passed, it was like a millstone cast far into the deep, blue sea.
the murky sea is black, dismal, and so deep. millstones rocket through the dark into its icy keep. a resting place for broken ships, a cemetery for the humble... no one's here to make you stumble.
if Jesus Christ is truth, then i am mostly lies. if Jesus Christ is love, then i have failed to try. if Jesus Christ is life, then please just let me die. let. this. die.
and goodbye to everything, sayanora everyone, they are tired... write the eulogy. and i saw them as they passed, it was like a millstone cast far into the deep, blue sea."
obviously there are references here to Luke 17, where Jesus says "It would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around your neck than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble." i used to think this was a song about the fans of five iron frenzy who lauded the band and loved them, yet ignored the message behind their songs. this interpretation is mostly from the verse about nobody understanding a word "they" said. however, i think if one looks deeper there are some definite connotations to sin and sinful nature. there comes a step in the process of spiritual maturity in which an active choice is made to die to sin. Romans 6 is all about dying to sin and being made alive to God in Christ Jesus. there comes a point where you have to let the Spirit take over. this is definitely some of what God is trying to communicate to me.
"If Jesus Christ is life, then please just let me die. Let. This. Die."
thoughts?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
i just found a free album online. it's called "strong tower" by tim mcallister and you can download it HERE. here are the lyrics to the title song:
this time, this place, this shirt, this face, this bomb, this plane, this cloud, this rain.
this knife, this meal, this smile, this deal, this drink, this bar, this game, this car.
these are the agents that grow me slowly blind. sewing shut these recently-opened eyes.
this job, this pay, this work, this day, this year, this month, this pile of junk.
this fight, this sigh, this kiss, this lie, this world, this climb, this song, this time.
these are the agents growing me slowly blind. they're sewing shut these recently-opened eyes.
but i keep asking myself... asking myself:
"what shame is there to seek shelter in a strong tower?"
isn't that beautiful? i have found myself directly sympathizing with the tone of this song (minus the kiss part!). there is so much in this world that is designed to sew shut our eyes. it's overwhelming.
how are you?
this time, this place, this shirt, this face, this bomb, this plane, this cloud, this rain.
this knife, this meal, this smile, this deal, this drink, this bar, this game, this car.
these are the agents that grow me slowly blind. sewing shut these recently-opened eyes.
this job, this pay, this work, this day, this year, this month, this pile of junk.
this fight, this sigh, this kiss, this lie, this world, this climb, this song, this time.
these are the agents growing me slowly blind. they're sewing shut these recently-opened eyes.
but i keep asking myself... asking myself:
"what shame is there to seek shelter in a strong tower?"
isn't that beautiful? i have found myself directly sympathizing with the tone of this song (minus the kiss part!). there is so much in this world that is designed to sew shut our eyes. it's overwhelming.
how are you?
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